In some quarters, it is believed that money makes the world go round. I cannot but agree that it does make some life better – better apartment, memorable vacation to a choice location, good cars to cruise round town etc. This very tool has in its own way made many relationships, as I have seen relationships that started based on material promises that stand up till this moment because the focus has shifted from one party’s opulence to something more substantial.
Sadly though, most relationships that started on this same note witnessed their dusk barely after their birth. Day in and out, I receive mails, calls, and messages from troubled married men and women. For most men, the cause of their heart ache is usually their inability to meet the
financial demands of their wives, and sometimes, children which puts a question mark on their stand as the supposed head of the family. However, when duly x-rayed, one would see that these challenges could be overcome by simple and basic knowledge of how to handle their money. Hence, today’s caption popped up. Sometime ago, I received a mail from a man who claimed that his wife was a reckless spender, but kept accusing him of inability to provide for his family.
In his words,
I am a Pastor of a small church where we have less than 200 congregants most of whom are students. My challenge is that my wife does not know how to manage money at all. I was a successful business man before I moved into full Ministry. We could afford just any thing we wanted. Now, we have a bigger commitment. I am a full time minister, so we have to depend on what my wife brings home , while fully depending on God’s grace for survival. My wife is a middle management staff in a corporate organization. So, what she earns is actually not enough to fund the church and the family. But, if she could slow down on what she spends her money on, we would be better. At a time, I told her this but received the insult of my life.
She claimed that she needed to “represent” who she actually was in the church, and among her friends. She quoted a Scripture for me, calling me an infidel because I could not provide for my family. That day, I almost withdrew from ministry, so that I could regain my financial stance, and also the respect I am supposed to have in my home…” For the writer of that letter, money makes the world go round. In another development, a young man mailed me:
“ Dear Olaboyede,
How am I supposed to be successful when my girlfriend wants me to meet all her financial needs, and also save money for our future? She expects me to buy virtually everything ranging from under wears to good outfit, give her N10,000 every three weeks to make her hair, recharge her BlackBerry subscription etc. I love her and try to meet MOST of these demands but she still complains. Worse still, she does not want to hear “ I am broke.” Any time she asks me about my monthly target savings and I say I’ve not met it, she pops questions like “If you cannot control your spending when you are still single, how will you do it when you marry me?” and I keep asking myself where all my money goes. I spend on her more than I do for myself…
Without further ado, below are some things you can do to keep your head above water…
• AVOID DEBTS : It is a known fact that because some people want to “feel
among”, they go on loans from friends and family. Sometime ago, a New Generation
bank advertised loans for their customer to buy Diamonds. I could not but wonder how
using diamonds purchased with loans would enhance their economic growth. Also, a new
mobile phone was produced and at the end of it’s advert, it was said “ Africa knows
fashion.”, and sadly enough, many would go out of their way to get those perishable
things, even at the expense of their family’s survival. We should learn to manage
what you have. In the first letter, the writer said his family would have enough IF
THE WIFE WOULD STOP TRYING TO BE WHAT THEY COULD NOT AFFORD. Debts discourage rapid
• GET A BUDGET : Budgeting is a good way to manage your finance. Draw a
budget that the two of you would strictly respect. Ademola Alawiye puts it this way
“Create a firm budget for you and your spouse. You can create a budget in a standard
spreadsheet program and update as needed (but only with the consent of both you and
your spouse)… However, both spouses must meet regularly to make budget decisions.
Remember to deal with negative emotions as they come up. Be sure that each spouse is
valued as an equal partner in the financial relationship. Finally, accept the
numbers as what they are- simply numbers. By refusing to place yourself worth on
your money, you will be better able to make sound financial decisions.”
•GET A SUITABLE ACCOUNT PLAN FOR YOUR FAMILY : Someone asked me sometime
ago what type of account a family should operate. My response is still the same. A
couple can decide to have a Joint Account. They can also go for separate accounts.
It is also possible to operate both Joint and Individual accounts. I usually advise
the last one because one party may be “anointed” to give than the other. Yet, needs
need be met in the home. After they must have dropped the agreed percentage of their
income in the family account (Joint), let them be whatever they want with the rest
of their money. This is strictly my own opinion. You can contact a finance adviser
on how to go about this.
• GET ANOTHER MEANS OF INCOME ASIDE YOUR SALARY : I have an Uncle whose
dates are always in twenties. If for instance, today’s date is 5th, he would say it
is 25th. I got curious on one day and asked why. He told me that an average salary
earner could not wait for the month to get into its twenties. We all know why.
According to the Bestselling author of RICH DAD POOR DAD, Robert Kiyosaki, the most
brilliant thing to do to secure one’s financial future is to have a personal
In conclusion, any guy or babe that places material demands on you before marriage should either be taught how to depend on their inner wits to meet their own wants and needs or be done away with. You are not a burden carrier. A Yoruba adage says “Whatever people make you is what they would address you by.” So, please, wise up!!!
Enjoy your love life.
Make it rich.
Make it blissful
Photo Credit: (c)Akintayotimi
OLABOYEDE Odekunle is an Artistic Director, Actor, Writer, and Public Speaker | Email: Walodek2001@yahoo.com | Contact: +2347038903836